We all suffer from stress from time to time, each having our own relationship to stress. And everyone processes stress differently. How our stress responses get hardwired into our systems during childhood can affect how we deal with stress as adults. We typically think of stress as something negative, but not all stress responses are inherently harmful. There are three stress responses found in children: positive, tolerable, and toxic. 

Positive Stress Response

A positive stress response is a brief and mild mental state. A positive stress response is something we all experience, such as nervousness before a presentation or anxiety about the first day of school. Caring and responsive adults are central in helping a child cope with the stressor. Mentors, teachers, and caregivers can provide a protective effect that allows children to manage effectively.

Tolerable Stress Response

A tolerable stress response involves exposure to a non-normative experience that presents more significant adversity or threat. These stressors may include a family member’s death, a severe illness or injury, or a natural disaster. The effects of a tolerable stress response can lead to long-term consequences to health, learning, and mental health. A supportive and protective relationship with a trusted adult helps reduce the adverse outcomes associated with a tolerable stress response.

Toxic Stress Response

A toxic stress response results from intense, frequent, or prolonged activation of the body’s stress response system. The toxic stress response is the most far-reaching, long-lasting, and dangerous. These stressors include parents or guardians struggling with substance abuse, mental health struggles, and absence due to incarceration or divorce. The buffering protection of a supportive adult relationship lessens the long-term effects associated with toxic stress responses. 

How to Reduce Stress

You can brainstorm ideas together to children find positive ways to channel their energy. Below are some stress and anxiety-reducing strategies you can teach your mentee, or Little, that may be helpful: 

• Try 4-7-8 breathing. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, breathe out for 8 seconds.
• Try journaling about feelings. Make sure that your Little knows they don’t need to share the things they write down and that getting their feelings out is the therapeutic part. Suggest that in the first 5 minutes of your visit, you write down some things that have been on your mind. Set a timer and put on some calming music. 
• Do something creative. Color a picture, draw or paint something, write songs or poetry, play with clay or play-dough. 
• Work on a hobby together. Cook or bake something. Put together a model, do a craft, or make something out of Legos. Knit something. Make something out of paper, like paper airplanes or origami. 
• Do something active. Take a walk outside, and make it fun by incorporating a scavenger hunt. Shoot some hoops. Try some stretching or yoga. Dance. Play catch. Jump rope. Just get moving! 
• Try meditating. There are lots of free or low-cost apps and websites that help walk you through the process. Get started with this Finding Positivity meditation from Headspace for “Young Kids” and “Big Kids”. 

How to Empower Children When They Struggle with Stress

A caring adult’s presence is related to numerous positive outcomes for young people, including greater resilience and lower stress. The caring and consistent relationship you build with your Little is a vital protective factor that will help them develop self-esteem throughout their life. There are numerous ways you can support your Little if they are experiencing stress: 

• Listen and empathize – practice listening when your Little vents to you about a problem.
  • Provide choices.
  • Validate your Little’s feelings.
  • Ask your Little open-ended questions; prompt with questions, “What do you think would happen if you tried ___?”
  • You can also ask, “What do you need from me?”
• Model the attitude you want to see – your Little will watch how you handle challenges.
  • Use phrases like, “This is hard. I need a break”, or “This is hard, I’m going to keep trying.”
  • Ask your Little to help you brainstorm solutions.
  • Avoid expressing negative opinions of yourself or making comments like, “I can’t do this.”
  • Focus on the positive. Was a lesson learned? Did you improve? Did you overcome the struggle – and how great did it feel?
• Build up confidence with age-appropriate tasks – boost your Little’s feelings of confidence and capability by allowing them to do age-appropriate tasks.
  • Choose an activity for an outing together between a couple of choices.
  • Prepare foods for a planned meal.
  • Order for themselves at a restaurant (within approved budget).
  • Pump gas before an outing (with oversight & help as needed).
• Remind them of past struggles and accomplishments – remind your Little of tasks that were once difficult and became easier with time.
  • What are your Little’s strengths?
  • How did they grow these strengths?
• Teach problem-solving skills – teach a simple process like the following:
  • What am I feeling?
  • What’s the problem?
  • What are the solutions?
  • What would happen if …?
  • What will I try?
• Know when to lend a hand – step in when:
  • There is a safety concern.
  • When a task is not developmentally appropriate.
  • The skills need to be learned before your Little can succeed.
  • Your Little has tried multiple strategies and persevered but is still struggling. In this case, offer guidance and help. Then, discuss what your Little learned and praise the effort and progress.

Helping a young person struggle with stress can be a learning experience. Ultimately, the presence of an adult mentor helps act as a protective factor against stress, leading to greater resilience and self-esteem. Do you want to help a child in our community reach their fullest potential? Becoming a volunteer Big means you’ll be a positive, supportive mentor for a child in our community. View our Big Orientation & Training schedule to attend a virtual orientation and get started as a mentor today!

 

 

Below are some articles and videos that you can watch with your Little, or forward to them to check out on their own, as these may open up a meaningful dialogue with your Little. Many of the videos are by young people, so your Little may connect more. 

Additional Resources

Talking to Your Child or Teen about Anxiety

7 Ways to Help Teens Cope with Stress

Tips on Getting Ready Mentally and Physically for a New School Year

3 Tips to Promote confidence

Meet Yourself: A User’s Guide to Building Self-Esteem – Niko Everett

Overcoming Anxiety — Jonas Kolker 

Stress Management Strategies: Ways to Unwind 

Teen Stress (Causes, Effects, Tips) 

Stress and Anxiety for Teens 

Stress at School — Carley Rogers 

Anxiety – Teen Talk 

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, and we believe it takes everyone working together to keep youth safe and healthy.  Studies show that Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), such as verbal abuse, incarceration, or substance abuse by parents, can halt a child’s healthy development. ACEs can lead to “toxic stress,” or highly stressful situations, for kids. Too much toxic stress for a child can lead to physical and mental health problems from childhood into adulthood. The early years of a child’s development are critical. Children need safe & encouraging relationships to help them build protective factors.

Adverse Childhood Experiences 

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are traumatic events occurring before age 18. ACEs include all types of abuse and neglect as well as parental mental illness, substance use, divorce, incarceration, and domestic violence. A landmark study in the 1990s found a significant relationship between the number of ACEs a child experienced and a variety of negative outcomes in adulthood, including poor physical and mental health, substance abuse, and risky behaviors. The more ACEs experienced, the greater the risk for these outcomes.   

Research about the lifelong impact of ACEs underscores the urgency of prevention activities to protect children from these and other early traumas. When children do experience trauma, understanding the impact of ACEs can lead to more trauma-informed understanding and interventions that help to mitigate negative outcomes. Mentoring relationships provide a protective factor for children who have experienced ACEs. 

What Are Protective Factors?

Studies reveal that a meaningful way to prevent ACEs and toxic stress is to build “protective factors” in children. Protective factors can shield kids from ACEs, build resilience, and positively counter adverse events. They are things like:

• A nurturing caregiver
• Caring adults outside of the family who can serve as role models or mentors
• Positive school environment
• Social connections
• Opportunity for expression through art, music, etc.
• Opportunity to learn healthy coping skills 
• Access to services
• Cultural identity

How can you help children who have been abused or neglected?

Children who have experienced abuse or neglect need additional support from caring adults who understand the impact of trauma and how to help. As a volunteer mentor, consider the following suggestions when helping your mentee, or Little:

• Help your Little feel safe. Support them in expressing and managing intense emotions.
• Don’t force a conversation. However, if your Little opens up, dialogue helps them understand the link between their trauma history and current experiences. For example, help them understand what happened was not their fault or discuss how their current emotions might be related to past trauma.
• Support and promote safe and stable relationships. Be supportive of your Little’s family and caregivers if appropriate. Often caregivers have experienced trauma so be mindful that their responses to situations may be coping mechanisms as a result of their own trauma experiences.
• Manage your own stress. Supporters who have histories of trauma themselves may be at risk of experiencing secondary trauma symptoms.  

A caring adult’s presence is related to numerous positive outcomes for young people, including greater resilience and lower stress. The caring and consistent relationship you build with your Little is a vital protective factor that will help them develop self-esteem throughout life.  Find out how you can become a Big and be a positive, supportive mentor for youth in our community at one of our Big Orientation & Training info sessions. View our schedule get started!

 

Additional Resources

Center for Disease Control and Prevention

About Adverse Childhood Experiences
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Provides an overview of adverse childhood experiences. 

Adverse Childhood Experiences: Looking at How ACEs Affect Our Lives & Society 
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Discusses the types of ACEs, their prevalence, their effects on physical and mental health and society, and strategies to address them. 

Essentials for Childhood Framework: Steps to Create Safe, Stable, Nurturing Relationships and Environments for All Children
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Explains a strategic approach to building strong communities that support positive child and family development. The goals of the approach include raising awareness, making data-driven decisions, promoting positive norms, and assessing policies that impact families. 

Preventing Adverse Childhood Experiences
Center for Disease Control and Prevention
Provides two learning modules to help participants understand, recognize, and prevent adverse childhood experiences (ACES). This training is available to anyone interested in learning more about ACES regardless of profession or educational attainment.  

 

Do you need some ideas for things to talk to your Little about? Check out our April Conversation Starters to help you and your Little learn about new topics and discover new hobbies and interests. 

National Humor Month – What makes you laugh? How about your Little? Tell some jokes together or look some up!

International Guitar Month – Do either you or your Little play the Guitar? Check out some guitar solos on YouTube.

Keep America Beautiful Month – What are some beautiful places in FL and other states that you have been to or would love to travel to? Make a Bucket list together, Share some of your Travel Pics, or research some of the most beautiful landscapes in the USA. Discuss ways to keep America beautiful.

Move More Month – Find an easy YouTube stretching video or easy exercise video to try together.

Stress Awareness Month – Does your Little get stressed? If so, how often, what makes them stressed? Talk about strategies to relieve stress. Try a meditation or yoga video together.

National Poetry Month – Find some poems to recite to one another or make your own Haiku.

April 4^th Easter – Does your Little celebrate Easter? If so how? Color or creative Easter Eggs together.

April 4^th is World Party Day – What makes the best party? What are good things to celebrate? A fun group activity would be to plan a party with an unlimited budget and we can each go around and add something fun for our party.

April 7^th is World Health Day – What do you/your parents do to stay healthy? What is something you can change daily to become healthier? Why is it so important to stay healthy?  What are some jobs that help people stay healthy? Would you like to go into a field that helps people stay healthy?

April 8^th is Zoo Lover’s Day – Research the most popular Zoos in the world, the pros and cons of zoos, or what it takes to be a Zookeeper. Is it a job that you would like?

April 10^th is National Siblings Day – Do you have any siblings? What are the pros and cons of being an only child? Is it better to be an older, middle, or younger sibling? What is the best thing about your sibling? What is your favorite thing to do with your sibling? What do you think your sibling will be when they grow up? Come up with a list of popular books/shows/movies that feature siblings.

April 13^th is International Plant Appreciation Day and  April 14^th is National Gardening Day (April is also Gardening Month) – Discuss different plants and take a “can you name this plant” quiz together. Discuss the pros and cons of having a garden. Discuss the benefits of gardening. Discuss differences and similarities of having a flower or fruit/veggie garden.

April 14^th is National Dolphin Day – Check out some neat facts about dolphins and watch “A Dolphins Tale” story if you haven’t already.

April 21^st is National Kindergarten Day – What do you remember most about being in K? Who was your K teacher? Did you like them why or why not? What makes a good K teacher? Would you like to be a K teacher and why/why not?

April 22^nd is Earth Day – Check out this video about Earth Day. What can you do to participate in Earth Day?

April 25 is National Telephone Day – What do you do most on the phone? (Text, call, email, games) Why are phones important? How would your life be different if you couldn’t take your phone with you places? How would your life be different if you didn’t have a phone at all? How would you communicate, plan things, get help in an emergency?  Look up some pictures of the first phones and see how far our technology has come!

April 28 is National Superhero Day – Who is your favorite Superhero? If you had a superpower what would it be? Would You Rather Questions “Xray vision or flight, super strength or super speed,” etc. Design your own superhero costume.

April 24^th is Arbor Day – Research this day together. Why is it important to plant trees? Can you imagine your neighborhood or favorite park without trees? What would that be like? Do you have a favorite kind of tree? How many different types of trees can you think of?

 

Do you want to learn what it takes to become a Big? Learn more at our Big Orientation & Training info session. View the schedule.

 

Helping a child identify, understand, and learn how to manage their emotions better can be an essential part of your relationship, especially if they are getting in trouble for emotional outbursts at home or school.

Experiencing anger is a normal part of everyday life. It plays a positive role in identifying where there may be a problem or a need that is not being met, yet children must learn how to deal with anger appropriately. Many children suffer daily emotional stress and frustrations, especially if they experience family issues, which can boil over at school and cause them to get in trouble and struggle socially and academically. Failing to deal effectively with strong emotions can lead to problems not just now but also later in life, including a host of health problems.

You can help your Little or a child in your life learn to manage their emotions constructively by providing a safe space to discuss their feelings and by acting as a positive role model. You may be the one person they can talk to without feeling judged, and it is essential to try to see things from their perspective and validate their experience, regardless of how you may initially perceive it. As you likely know, it can be tough to reason when in the grip of strong emotions, so first, give the child a chance to express what they feel while practicing reflective listening. Reflective listening is a communication strategy involving two key steps: seeking to understand an idea, then stating the concept back to the other person to confirm you understood correctly.

Once they feel understood and more relaxed, you can help them name the emotion, identify the cause of the feeling, explore what the emotion felt like physically, and then problem-solve the best ways to respond to that emotion. This will help them understand why they experience these emotions in the first place, recognize what the emotions feel like so they can identify them before boiling over, and have several appropriate responses prepared to handle emotional situations correctly and avoid getting in trouble.

Just by being an outlet for them to talk about their emotions, you are probably already well on your way to influencing your Little for the better. You can also use these resources and specific tips and tools to work with your Little on these issues.

Find more resources for Bigs on our I’m A Big page. Your Match Support Specialist provides the password.